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i want to talk to God.

March 18, 2010

i want to talk to God and ask questions,

i just want to know the reasons for the past and what had happened,

the reasons You put me in certain places and allowed me to meet certain people,

the reasons why You didnt avoid me from them in the first place,

when You knew Youd take them away anyway,

the reason why you built me up and allowed me to pray just so you can tare me apart,

…..and no, i dont wanna know about the future,

i just want to know why You planned me like this,

was it really meant to be like this,

or did i screw something up along the way,

sure i did many things wrong,

that i dont deny,

well, first of all if like to apologise,

for not being a very good servant, for being a sick excuse for mankind,

i do have my flaws,

but…i do believe i had my “right” days,

where i realised You, whilst my friends were drowned in this dunya You created,

i wasnt always like this, You know that,

i couldve been better,

there was once a time i treaded this earth of Yours with care,

that i was aware of what i should n shouldnt do,

i asked for guidance and to make things easy for me,

because behind all flesh, my heart wasnt that very strong,

You know i tried,

there was just some things that i couldnt take,

i prayed that you dont test me with certain things that you gave,

or maybe it were the things that i thought you gave me…

God,

i just want a private session,

where i can sit in front of you and cry,

im asking for a counselling session like they do in psych wards,

with You,  i’d know that the answers were real,

id like a session just with You, just like the sessions i had with dad,

were he would listen to me,

its just that with dad, i can be certain his answers were to help,

and he’d explain it over and over again until i understand,

and when i cried, he’d put a shoulder around and held me,

God, i dont want another test, i just want an honest answer,

for once i want to be certain i’m doing the right thing,

God, please dont leave crumbling and doubting,

please pick me again and use me for your reasons.

and most importantly,

plese dont leave me.

one of your millions of servants whose certain that hes wrong and You’re always right,

muhammadzaidzainuddin

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One comment

  1. Yet, the only reason (I believe) is to test you which of you is best in deed.. (67:2)

    “I am as My servant thinks of Me… If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running” (Mohammed Abdullah, 571‒631)

    Keep walking or running my dear Bro..



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